Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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