if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
