her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
