i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
