I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
