you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
