you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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