This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
