My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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