Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
