i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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