Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
