Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
