So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
