why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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