Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
