Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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