Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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