bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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