Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
