She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
