Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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