Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
