We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
