I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
