fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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