Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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