Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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