Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
