Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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