Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
