if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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