i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
