Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
