You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
