You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
