Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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