I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
