Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
