i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
