remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
