I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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