matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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