Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
