Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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