I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
