I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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