Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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