it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
