At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
