call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
