I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
