Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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