sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
do nipples grow back?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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