some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
