the day after is always just damage control
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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