ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
