I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
if only i could text you this smell
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
