never play flip cup with pint glasses
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
