Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
