they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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