i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
