I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I touched a dick in church today
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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