you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
