before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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