32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
