So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
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