Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
