Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit