got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.