I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
