I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
