my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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