Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize